A Purpose

Yesterday morning, I received a phone call that will change the course of my life and set me on another path. It isn't a path that I didn't expect, nor is it one that I didn't have a hand in creating. However, it is one that wasn't completely in my control. I was offered a job- a simple job offer that caused a complex assortment of thoughts and emotions to run through me.

Twelve and a half years ago, I changed the direction of my life away from the career that my new job offer was now pointing me in. At that time, I had been teaching primary education for almost eight years. It was a career that I cared passionately about, and one that I felt driven to succeed in. I wanted to inspire that drive in the students who I taught. Fate stepped in, however, with plans for my life that caught me off guard. Pregnant with my third child, a prenatal diagnosis of spina bifida and hydrocephalus was made in my third trimester. Simply explained, the spinal column of the baby had not completely formed along one section of the spine, allowing the spinal cord to actually protrude through this opening, forming a blister-like sac on the baby's back. Because the flow of spinal fluid is disrupted, the fluid backs up into the ventricles of the brain causing the brain to swell. My baby was going to be born with this tongue-twisting, medically frightening sounding disability. She would require spinal surgery and brain surgery within the first few days of her life. Looking back now, this time in my life is an excellent example of when my perfectionism served me and my child in the best way possible. I got my hands on every piece of literature relating to spina bifida that I could find. I was relentless in communicating with other parents, with medical professionals, even with kids who were living with spina bifida. I wanted the best life possible for my baby. But, the only way I could do that was by making the choice to leave my career. In my mind, it was an easy choice. How could I focus on teaching other people's children and give them the best education, and the concern that they deserved when all I could think about was what was best for my family? The energy and passion that I had previously poured into my teaching was much better utilized in nurturing my own children. My time and attention had to be shared between all three of them. Even though my youngest had the most obvious physical needs, I was also worried that my oldest daughter would feel the weight of the responsibility of being the first born. I was worried that my son- my active, rambunctious, attention demanding son- would feel the negativity of my wrath instead of the encouragement he needed to be his own person. I needed to be there for all of them. My youngest daughter is considered a miracle, not only to her family, but also to many of the medical professionals who have been part of her life since before she was born. I got to witness this miracle every day. With tears filling my eyes, I got to hold out my arms to her when she took her first steps on her own- years before we were told she ever would. THIS is why it was an easy choice.

My youngest daughter is now 12 years old. Simple things make her happy, and she is everyone's friend. She is my daily reminder of appreciation and hope.

When I got that phone call yesterday, and listened to the principal offer me a half time grade 2/3 position, the emotions and the memories that coursed through me in a span of no more than 30 seconds, were overwhelming. I was proud to have been chosen from a pile of more than 40 resumes; I was excited to be starting something new; I was terrified to add more change to my life; I was filled with hope and a new sense of purpose. For so many years, my purpose had been to be a mother. It had defined who I was. But now, the timing is right to expand my purpose, and to go back down the path that I thought I had strayed from and would never find my way back to. I know my kids will be fine- more than fine. I know my kids will be the best that they can be, and I will have helped them to get there. Now is the time for me to allow myself to start living a new life that is waiting for me.