The Perils of Perfectionism

I'm going to hit the ground running with my first "meaty" post.

I always knew that my perfectionism helped feed my state of mind. But, as with many things in our lives, it didn't seem to be a priority considering all of the other issues constantly thrown into any woman's life- children, jobs, partners, homes... However, four years ago, my state of mind forced its way to the top of my "to do" list, when I found myself sitting in the emergency room of the local hospital unable to stop crying, feeling panicky, overwhelmed, truly unable to control or help myself. It was the wake up call I needed to be proactive about making changes in my life, and recognizing that I needed help to make those changes.

Thinking back to that time makes me appreciate the progress that I have made. But, last weekend's conference helped me to acknowledge that I still have a journey ahead of me. I can never push my mental health to the back of my mind again. However, being the perfectionist that I am, I want to be "perfect" at helping myself which is going to get me nowhere. At the conference we learned to recognize that perfectionism isn't always a bad thing. It helped to get us where we are today. It gave us the drive to be successful at whatever we put our minds to. But, we also learned how to see when we had crossed the line into a state of unhealthiness where our lives were being compromised. It's one thing to have a neat, tidy home, but quite another to have your soup cans alphabetized, and your closet colour coordinated. We were also introduced to strategies that would help us to form a plan to balance our lives. Much focus was placed on taking baby steps when putting our individual plans into action. Otherwise, the vicious cycle of our perfectionism would take hold as we would set unrealistic goals, not be able to achieve the results we wanted, and then fall back into despair as we felt like we had failed.

At the end of the day, we were asked to sit in a circle to face each other so we could draw support from these women who knew exactly what we were thinking and feeling. We were handed a list of affirmations that we were to read every morning to keep our plans on track. These were not the typical affirmations that we were used to brainwashing ourselves with such as: I will be the best person that I can be today; I will prepare the best snack for play group today so that these parents know that I care about my child; I will go to the gym and run for two hours on the treadmill to lose those last five pounds, etc. The affirmations we were handed were giving us permission to be average. They allowed us to be human, to be imperfect, to be still. We each had to choose the one affirmation that touched us right now at this point in our lives, and then share the baby step we would take to give ourselves permission to be "not perfect".

"My main responsibility is to be true to myself- to be me". This was the affirmation that I chose. My baby step- I want to walk outside in the pouring rain and not care what my hair looks like". Although this brought a few chuckles, this was a milestone for me in showing that I didn't care what other people thought of me. I am on my way to leading the life that reflects the values and morals that I think are important, not what my neighbour, my friends, or the lady at the donut shop thinks are important. I am finally giving myself permission to be me.