Thank You

With each new blog post, I am always amazed with some of the responses that I get, and by the people who are actually reading what I write. This past week, however, I was humbled and honoured by the response to the email that I sent out to my contact list to notify my fellow "chocolate" women that I was indeed back from the abyss of not knowing what to write, how much to write, and determining whether to write at all. It wasn't just the encouragement that I received to continue with the sharing of my mind. It was also the courage that women have had to share their own experiences with me. Some of these experiences are life changing and dramatic, others are frustrations of daily living mixed with simple pleasures. Your stories inspire me to continue to write. They also remind me to absorb more of what I am actually writing in order to live the life that I really want. They remind me that we are part of a larger community of women, and this makes the isolation of the problems seem much less overwhelming.

A couple of months ago, I wrote a posting entitled "Digging Out From Under A Bad Week". I made a list that I was going to try to live by that would not only get me through the bad weeks, but would also allow me to build up my tolerance and strength during the good weeks. Somehow, that list, and the confidence of that list, was sucked from consciousness, and was finally excavated from my subconscious mind over the past few days. The reacquaintance with my blog, the writing of my new post, the emails, and the conversations all guided me back to that list.

* Each day, I will do one thing just for me. This may be as simple as going to a yoga class, sipping on a tea with no interruptions, or writing on my blog (also uninterrupted). Or it could be as grandiose as planning a vacation or indulging in a spa day.

This was the number one item on my list, and this is the item that I made sure that I selfishly adhered to once again. So what did I do this week?
* read for fun at least once a day
* started planning my summer
* started writing again
* took off on my bike
* watched International House Hunters every night (current favourite show)
* went dancing
* coffee every morning; tea at night
* sat by a lake
* dreamed of a vacation home

Not bad for one week. With a bit of awareness, I actually amazed myself with my "what I did for me" list. Maybe that's the key. Try to remember what made you feel good at the end of the day, write it down, or say it out loud. This makes for a much better sleep aid than dredging up the bad.

So, thank you for reading, thank you for writing back, and thank you for making me seem normal.

To Travel- An Escape, Maybe. A Lesson, Definitely.

Two books that are permanent fixtures on my coffee table are Art & Architecture Tuscany, and Unforgettable Things to do Before You Die. They are not there for decoration. Anyone who knows me well, knows that I will someday go to Tuscany to visit the village of Cortona. I will also visit the Thermal Spas in Iceland and cycle through Vietnam. I will not let these and the other visions that fill my head be idle dreams. On my own, or with company, I am going.

Since I was very small, I loved the thrill of travelling. From the packing to go, through to the unpacking when I got home, it was always a great adventure for me. Growing up, the traveling usually involved camping at a variety of campgrounds in Ontario, first in a tent, then graduating to the more luxurious tent trailer. The memories of those trips are so clear in my mind. They may not be exotic, but it doesn't matter. I was learning, and I was living the moments of my life. As my current favourite motivational speaker says "Create new stories", and that's what I was doing, even as a child. I remember falling out of the wing of the tent trailer wrapped up and upside down in my sleeping bag; almost catching my first rainbow trout as my dad leaned over to net it, and it jumped off the hook; canoeing on Bass Lake; jumping from the dock water tower for the first time; playing Bloody Murder amongst the rocks and bushes of almost every campground we visited; hiding the fact that I had a secret crush on the uniformed guard at the Fortress of Louisburg; huddling in the family station wagon to wait out the night long thunderstorm as we watched our tent bending, trying to fight off the wind and the rain.

Even though there is such a feeling of comfort in those simple memories, those are stories from the past. Now, I want to continue to create new stories. I want to share my love of learning about new places and new people. With our world becoming smaller with each passing year, I want to be part of that global community. I want to make my world bigger. I don't want to lose out on the momentum of learning about my neighbours across the street, and my neighbours across the Atlantic. Someone once said to me "Joanne, don't be so scared. Don't worry what people are thinking. People are people no matter where you are. People want to learn about you as much as you want to learn about them." Another lesson, definitely.

To be judged for wanting to make your world grow, and for wanting to be a student of the world, can make you feel suffocated by the claustrophobia of those small box judgments and rules. To rise above those opinions and to live by your values can suddenly make the walls of that small box collapse. My dreams of travel- down the highway on my new bike, on a train through the mountains, on a plane to the Far East, or in my car to the spa- make life seem lighter, make life the adventure that it should be. An escape, maybe. But, also another lesson.