Appreciate and Dream

Recently I had someone tell me that I don't appreciate some of the things that are in my life. My gut reaction to this was outrage, making me want to fight back with my denials- and some of that did happen. However, after the fire died down,I had time to reflect (something that has been force fed into me with this Masters program that I am enrolled in). And I began to wonder if I really had become too comfortable, thereby making me ungrateful. Of course, this self reflection led to my overthinking which is how this blog started in the first place.

A few years ago, I felt as though I had arrived at a place in my life where I was very unappreciative of the many blessings I had- to the point where I felt almost entitled to my good fortune. Until this past week, I thought that I had worked through that phase and finally arrived at a mid point of balance where I try not to take anyone or anything for granted, where I appreciate what I have, and if I want more I work for it. Apparently I haven't been as successful at maintaining that balance as I thought.

This has led, of course, to a new plan- kind of an old plan that is being revisited and revised for my life right now.

1. Every morning write down three things that I am grateful for. This could be the people in my life, the home that I live in, the new connections that I am making that are helping me to grow and learn, the education that I am so fortunate to have access to, or even the new coffee maker sitting on the kitchen counter. Big or small, if I am grateful, it gets added to the list. I only add 3 per day, but it is a continuous, always growing list.

2. Each day write down one thing that I want to accomplish in my life. Again this can mean grand goals like finishing my Masters degree, writing a book, developing educational resources, running a half marathon or it can mean something simple like learning how to bake an apple pie that you don't have to eat with a spoon, taking a ski lesson to keep up with my son on the slopes, or entering a dance competition. This is also a list that continues to grow.

These two lists will give me balance and perspective. I can dream big and small while still remaining grounded with who and what in my life are helping me to achieve these dreams.

Last weekend I watched the movie Bridesmaids with my daughter. Although it was a laugh out loud comedy as I had expected, it also had an unexpected message. The lead character is kind of pathetic as her life goes from bad to worst as she watches her best friend plan and live her dream wedding. At first I felt sympathetic towards Annie as she had lost her cake business during the Recession, she had a job in a jewelry store and had to help countless couples who were sickeningly in love select wedding rings, her best friend was getting married, she lived with a pitiable brother/sister landlord duo, and she "dated" a man who only met her when it suited him. But as her situations seemed to become more complicated, it was obvious that Annie was her own worst enemy. She was also quite adept at pinning the responsibility for her woes on other people and circumstances beyond her control, which was not the case. Finally, Megan- the tell it like it is bridesmaid- launches a physical attack on Annie to get her to fight back and take control of her life again. Instead of letting life beat you up, get up and fight. Look around at what you can do, at what you have, and fight.

Life wasn't hitting me on the head or flipping me backwards off the sofa. It didn't have to. All I needed to do was take notice of what is right in front of me, and to appreciate what and who I have in my life. Appreciate and dream, that is the new plan.

The Presence

I wrote this for a writing contest a few years ago. It suits my mood today. The end of it is what I need to focus on. We all need a presence in our life to keep us going when we feel as though we can't take one more step, or one more breath. I won't lose my faith in what is good and right, it's just that some days are more difficult than others.


The inevitable letdown attacked her early this year. It was just two days after the frenzied celebration of Jesus’ birth: a baby whose human life had apparently been sparked by the miracle of an Immaculate Conception.

Peace, joy, and glory to God in the Highest were vacant from her mind as she felt the strength melt from her limbs. With each passing second, her body oozed her will out of every pore until she was merely a puddle of flesh, muscles, bones, and tears on her kitchen floor.

At first, it felt like a small nudge, then a sharp poke, and finally, a kick in the stomach that made the bile rise in her throat and threaten to spill out of her whimpering mouth. Through the reddened slits of her eyes she tried to see who was causing her suffering and misery to intensify.

She saw ripples of movement, but no person.
She felt a presence of peace, and warmth touched her skin.
She heard the echo of the voice in her head.
“Get up my child. My vision for you is not yet complete. I breathe my strength and my hope into your soul to give you the will to move, to rise, to have faith.”

Upon hearing those words, the burden in her heart shifted enough to allow her to pull herself up. The power of the message slowly filled her. She could live again.

Life throws things at us for a reason. Sometimes it just takes a bit longer to figure out the reason.

The Chocolate is back, and I promise the next post will be more uplifting.