When is it ever enough?

I know that this time of year can be a source of conflict- the joyous celebration of Christmas, gatherings with family and friends, good cheer to all! The flip side of the holiday coin is the gritting of the teeth at various events; the perfection of decorating, baking, shopping; the crowds; the pressure of creating that nostalgic holiday in today's high tech world. As I am writing this post, I am feeling the pull from both poles of the Christmas globe. This evening, sitting amongst family and friends at my daughter's Christmas concert, marvelling at the magnificent beauty of the country jewel of Catholic churches that we are blessed to have in our community, I feel a tightening in my chest as the tug of Christmas memories floods my mind. The carols echo; I sing along with the school choir; I disappear into the spirit of the holidays. How quickly that fades as I drive home alone, walk into my cold, dark house, and wish for that feeling back again.

How do I keep that sense of peace? When will all that I do ever feel like it is enough to satisfy myself, and to satisfy the people in my life?

I write...but I want to write more. I want to reach out to more people.
I teach...but I want to reach every single child in my class. I want to make a difference for each one of them.
I parent...but there are days that the baby steps seem enormously gigantic.
I am a friend...but why do I feel like I take more than I give.
I love...but why do I feel like my words and my actions are not enough.

I cannot undo what has happened. I can only learn and grow. I can embrace the people of my life, and be grateful for who they are. I can look around me every day and soak up the small miracles of my life. If you want to join me, my life is open and the ride is waiting. The cost of your ticket? To know that I am doing enough.