A New Language

Yesterday I became one step closer to becoming fluent in a second language. It is the language of "Mobilish". This language is not confined to one specific geographic area. It is not a romance language, nor one of the ancient historic languages. In fact, it is quite modern. The origin of the word "Mobilish" comes from the combination of the word "mobile" as in mobile phone, and the word "gibberish" which is what I think comes out of the mouths of the mobile phone representatives.

The most current lesson in "Mobilish" occurred as the result of my older daughter dropping her cell phone in the toilet on the weekend. In brief, the chaotic state of her bathroom, too many electric/electronic appliances cluttering up the counter top, trying to straighten her hair, applying make-up, sending text messages, and scrolling through her Ipod all at the same time somehow led to her cell phone flying into the bowl of water that no girl wants to stick her hand into. Once fished out of the toilet, she attempted to fix the situation. She seemed to recall that the all-knowing "they" say that when a cell phone gets wet, set it in a bowl of dry rice and it will miraculously soak up the moisture. Honestly, I think this is an urban myth. Next attempt was to get out the blow dryer. Unsuccessful as well. Finally, call mom and cause that dreaded moment of panic when the first words out of her mouth were "Mom, I've had a bit of an accident." It's amazing how many horrific images can flash through a parent's mind in the span of a few seconds with that one brief sentence. Once given the details of her accident, the relief quickly changed to disbelief that she would scare me like that, and then finally to humour as I laughed out loud (lol in "Mobilish") at her predicament. Apparently the withdrawal of her cell phone addiction had already begun, as she didn't appreciate the laughter.

How did we get to this point? How did my usually sensible teenage daughter transform into a babbling fool thinking I could produce a new cell phone for her on a Saturday night within the hour before she was to meet her friends?

It was a gradual progression, moving from Core Mobilish 101 to full Mobilish Immersion. A few years ago, I was quite content to have my "for emergency purposes only" cell phone tucked away at the bottom of my purse- usually turned off, or drained of its battery. It didn't bother me at all that I wasn't immediately accessible to every person in my life who felt the need to tug me in yet another direction of responsibility. The seed of change was planted, however, the year that the above mentioned teenage daughter set foot inside the walls of secondary school. I was adamant that I was not going to fall for the teenage parent peer pressure, that overwhelming need we have to want our kids to fit in. Timing, however, was everything. This was the year that my husband and I separated, which meant the kids were with him for one week and with me for one week. My daughter also expanded her circle of friends, and started her first job. With her sudden increase in mobility, she was sometimes difficult to track down. The obvious solution was to give in to the peer pressure and buy her a phone, which also meant that I would actually have to learn how to use mine if I wanted the communication to be two-way.

Our first in-depth lesson into the world of Mobilish seemed simple enough at first. She would use a "pay-as-you-go" phone. There were only a few options for her to choose from, and then it was her responsibility to buy minutes each month. Things became a bit more complicated when my phone was thrown into the lesson. I had to be taken off of my husband's plan, set up with a new phone, change carriers, pick a new plan, decide on the features that I wanted to use, and then commit to a three-year contract. Were we really talking about cell phones, or were they secretly trying to remortgage my house? When I walked out of that store, I had a phone that I barely knew how to turn on, did not know how to retrieve or send messages, and I had no idea what this "plan" or "contract" was that I had signed my name to. It was a slow learning curve for me as I pushed buttons, scrolled through menu options, picked ring tones (one for phone calls, one for text messages that were sent, one for text messages received, one for voice mail messages), attempted to send a very long, very slow text message, set the clock in the correct time zone, set the alarm, look at the calendar that I had no idea how to input information into...all I really wanted to be able to do was make a phone call.

For the next year, I slowly moved into the more advanced class of Mobilish as I learned how to text. It's strange how the word "text" is now a well-known verb, instead of referring to words on a page of writing. It's also unusual how the improper "texted" and "texting" became frequently used and then accepted as correct forms of the word "text". I still find myself struggling with the acronyms of Mobilish text messages- brb, btw, lol, lmao, 2gtbt, asap, g2g, bff, and soooo many more. There are entire web sites dedicated to the world of texting.

As my own world expanded beyond the life of my family, I began to feel my own sense of addiction to my cell phone. So much so, that I decided to fast track my learning to the iPhone! I was ready.

No, I wasn't ready. Unlmited text plan, voice minutes, My5, My10, data plans, 16GB, email access, iPod with access to itunes, the Apps store, weather, stocks, sync with my laptop, games, games, games... What was I thinking? Months later, and I still don't know how to send an email from this efficient, easy-to-use device. It's funny how my oldest daughter and her friends think I'm such a cool mom to have such a cool phone. I'm waiting for the day they ask me to show them how all of the applications work. I know I will probably slip back into Intro to Mobilish 101 class again.

Throughout the process of modernizing mom, my oldest daughter had long since outgrown the use of the "pay-as-you-go". She had graduated to her own, much more efficient slide phone, as well as her own "student plan". Why does the bill for her plan get mailed in the same envelope with my statement? Why is the total amount owing on my statement the total of my bill and hers? Great plan, if you are a student living at home. We go through a Mobilish lesson each month as I lay out the statement for her and patiently explain that the $25 low monthly fee for her own phone does not include unlimited texting, downloading of anything, long distance, system access fee (what exactly is that anyway), instant messaging through her msn, roaming charges, or her taxes. It's funny how that base fee becomes doubled very quickly.

Thus, we have arrived at the moment of withdrawal, after pulling the cause of the addiction out of the toilet that I would have liked to flush the phone down (along with any contracts attached to that phone). I let her suffer for a few days, but in the end, it was frustrating for me in not being able to reach her when I wanted. As we had guessed, her phone was not salvageable. The picking out of the phones begins.

Mom: No you don't need a Blackberry. You can have a Blackberry after you have graduated from university, work in a high profile corporate job, and show a need for owning a Blackberry

Daughter: I won't use it for data. I like the keyboard. It will be so much easier for texting.

Helpful Sales Rep: We do have some Blackberry Pearls that she is eligible for with her phone upgrade, and she doesn't have to have the data pack.

Mom: (glaring at the helpful sales rep, but trying to keep an open mind) How much is it? Are there other options?

Son: (who also decided to tag along to scope out phone options that he might like to have) Mom, let her get the Blackberry, then I can get this cool pay-as-you-go that kind of looks like a Blackberry.

What was our solution? Over an hour later, we left the store with one Blackberry Pearl with the no data option, a handful of literature re-explaining my plan, my daughter's plan, and the new pay-as-you-go plans for my son. Obviously, I'm not at the level of Mobilish fluency that I thought I was. And at this point, I don't think I ever want to be either.